Professional Profile re-write – Example 1

My mission was to re-write 30 odd bios for a large real estate company in Auckland, New Zealand.  The brief was to modernise, getting away from the old fashioned ‘sell, sell, sell’ style, using a more conversational tone in keeping with their brand voice. This is a before and after example.

 

 

BEFORE

Screenshot 2016-06-29 07.37.46

AFTER

Trust, honesty and integrity are not just words to  ______. When she entered the real estate industry over ten years ago, her daughter joked that she’d probably fail for being too truthful. In reality, it’s that virtue which has seen ______ develop hundreds of successful relationships with her clients, and attain both _______ and _______ Salesperson status in the last two years alone. Prior to that she earned a highly coveted spot in the quarterly Top 20 Sales People in the Northern Region during the height of the toughest real estate market in living history.

______ truly understands that this is one of the biggest transactions of a lifetime, and her extensive background in banking and administration adds enormous value to the level of skill and care you’ll receive to get the best possible result. When asked what sets her apart, _______ replied “Honesty, skill, and dedication for getting the job done to a very high standard. It doesn’t matter how long it takes or how hard I have to work, the positive end result is my only focus”.

A real local, ______ was born in _______ and grew up in and around ______, ______ and ______. She has a real affinity with the people, culture and surroundings and her commitment to her community is endorsed by ten years of local charity work, including regular volunteer work for night patrols with the ______ Community Crimewatch and annual Cancer Society collections. Kaz’s personal mantra is a quote from Thomas Jefferson – “Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom’ and as you’ll see from her testimonials below, she lives by it.

%d bloggers like this: